Baby girl is up to something!

So I'm not sure what she's thinking or even doing, but this little girl in my tummy is giving me quite a ride! I woke up with a horrible pain in my left side/hip and couldn't even go to work. I'm not sure if she got stuck or if she's on my s...nerve (I can't even think of the name, I just know it starts with an "s") or if she's trying to come early. My stomach looks like it has dropped and I need to get some hospital bags pack quick just in case she decides to come! I hope she waits until she is healthy enough but I won't be sad if that point is earlier than expected. I will be very happy to not have all this painful pressure inside anymore. And I can't wait to cuddle her! Anyway, I'm not going to worry but trust that the Lord will take care of us both. Now to get some hopefully good sleep :)

Fight

Last night was one of the worst experiences I have ever had. It ended up with me in tears and fearing I was going to have problems with my pregnancy or even go into labor early. I had to call Wayne home from work to save me and calm me down.

I figure after some thought that the problem came from a few things: bad or lack of communication between a couple we live with, forgetfulness, childishness, and life stress (money, lack of time, etc.)

Communication Problems
We are all very tight on money so that has been hard on everyone living here. One thing was said before moving in together and another has happened quite often. That's the money problem. I try to be understanding and help where I can to a point, but I can only help where I am able. Since we don't have much money at all to spare normally we obviously cannot front money in anyway, especially in tight times like these. So I have done other acts such as giving free money saving services to the people in my home on top of working to help earn my family money all while being pregnant, going to school, and trying to start one of my dreams of my sound business. The other woman living here has had to make some similar sacrifices in order to keep her family afloat. We don't understand each other on every aspect but we do understand struggles. She did her part to help by trying to ease our financial burden slightly with something she was capable of doing that wouldn't cost her anything more than she was already planning, but for some reason her husband didn't get the memo or he forgot, or perhaps he misunderstood. This is just one example. Another comes when this man thinks one thing and the wife thinks or knows another and instead of working it out between each other my family is put in the middle of it and expected to pick up the slack. It's fine if it's offered but if it's not it shouldn't be expected.

Forgetfulness
There are a lot of things done for each other that do not directly involve money, this is what family does for each other. But if you start to compare contributions and think your life is not fair then you must remember every little penny or second someone donates to helping you. If someone is saving you over $400 a month by baby sitting for free, washes the kitchen towels, your baby's bibs, and lets you use her towels over and over washing them each time it adds up! How is that compared to you offering to save her about $100 at the most? How about we just don't compare and try to live happily? If there really is a problem have your facts straight!

Childishness
Don't be selfish, try to understand the other person or people's wants, struggles, and feelings. And just because you are having a hard time does not give you and excuse to not be an adult. I don't care how hard your life is or how tight money is, you find a way to do your part. It's not that hard to do a chore and it only take paying attention to know where your money goes. Don't buy expensive things if you don't think you'll have enough money in the future.

Stress
We're all stressed! Deal with it! Others shouldn't have to pick up your slack just because you have problems. I'm sorry but that is life.

Finally, be honest in all things; your words, actions, communication, promises, and thoughts. Your thoughts might be your own but be honest with yourself. How can you be honest with others if you are not honest with yourself and spouse first?

Wall sayings and quotes

I am finally going to decorate our home! Yay! This may be a long process due to the lack of money and lack of time in my life, but one way or another I will get it done! We have one wall that will be full of family pictures, an area of military stuff, and whatever else my heart desires. Here are some quotes/sayings I am looking through for the walls (If you have any other ideas that sound good let me know!):

Live-Laugh-Love
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts (that's just funny, probably not good for the wall)
Happiness is homemade
Family-the ones you Live with, Laugh with, and Love
In out home let love abide, and bless all those who step inside
Family is the key to happiness
Our family tree is full of nuts (just kidding, I wouldn't use that!)
The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home. -Harold B. Lee
Bless this home with love and laughter

Military (there will be pictures of our family soldiers):
O're the land of the free and the home of the brave
Freedom isn't free
Its' not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for you country. -Kennedy
God bless America
God bless our soldiers
There's only one flag for me... it speaks of power, pardon, peace, and purity

Lalalalala! (in annoying tones)-That's how I feel

I finally finished my Business Information Systems class! But instead of feeling relieved I just feel stressed and sick of school! That's not what's supposed to happen. I have really got to try harder to stay on top of things this next class...maybe get ahead! ....That's what I think with every class though, and it has just gotten worse every time despite my efforts. I wish I could have the summer off! Oh well....


On a good note: I'm having a GIRL! Yay! Honestly the gender didn't matter to me as much as the fact that I am having a child, a baby actually (thank goodness it won't be a 10 year old or another teenager, lol). I'm excited because you get to do lots of cute things with girls. You do with boys too, but girls just have something special which takes more of your time because you get distracted with pretty stuff...which is probably a bad thing since I need to concentrate on school and perhaps getting my business started. (I'm beginning to wonder if something will get postponed...probably the business part because I can't cut back on school unless I completely drop out).

     I wish I could do it all! I try so hard! I used to be able to do so much with such a short amount of free time or even freedom, but now I find myself always feeling behind. Why is it that as you get older you need to expect less of yourself. Yes, you have more wisdom but less energy to use. Sigh.
     It probably wouldn't be so bad if I were not pregnant on top of everything. Oh and not to mention the raising a teenager part. But with those two things I feel like it is almost impossible to do school, housework, work at Applebees, and stay sane all in one day. And I don't even have the working part everyday...but when I do forget some other part of my life because I don't have time or energy! I feel pathetic. Maybe I should move to a cave. There are no bills, chores (except for cooking the food my husband hunts over the fire he builds), or need for education. I could just go back to the caveman way of living. Doesn't that just sound nice? Oh wait, would my baby survive very well in that environment? Oh dang! I guess I just better work things out here instead.

Anyway, hope your day/life is going better than mine feels right now. And if it's not, I'm sorry for complaining, this baby inside me makes me be a baby myself. But I shouldn't worry about that because I don't think anyone reads this unless they are so bored they want to read about my complaints...or something like that.

How about this? I love you! Yep, you! Haha! I do love people, they make me happy with their weird quorks and all. Except for when they don't clean up their messes, lol. But anyway, I am very tired so I'm not quite sure what I am saying anymore. Have a good night!

Gender day!

I am sooooo excited for tomorrow! At 7:30am (yes it is very early) I have my appointment at St. Marks to find out our baby's gender! Yay! Did I mention I'm really excited? In honor of the occasion I finally made myself get around to taking a pic of my belly! It's not the greatest quality and because of that it does not show the definition of how big my belly is, but you can tell I am pregnant and that is the point!

Here it is!

Can't wait for tomorrow!

Ugh...

Not very happy with things right this second... What do I want? I don't want to work anymore. But I like it at the same time. That's the main thing.

Pros of working: make money, get out of the house, serve others, connect with other people a little (which is kinda huge when I don't get to do anything with anyone but my family much), exercise, something to make me have a schedule.

Cons of working: get hungry and can't eat, makes me tired more than I can handle with my life sometimes, can't take care of my house as much as I want and no one else will step up and do it, my work clothes are starting to get too small, I have to pay almost $50 to get some dumb permits pretty soon, I have no time to get out of my house for fun with out falling behind in important areas of my life, makes me have to rely on others just to be disappointed.

Well, I guess my cons list looks a bit longer... but it's also just more wordy. Do I need the money? I don't know! I'm so lost with our finances lately (mostly because I'm so forgetful and just cannot wrap my mind around the numbers, good or bad). Wayne said we still needed me to work because he didn't have a job, but now he "kinda" has one. It's not a set schedule kind of thing but he gets to work. I want to quit so bad sometimes, but I don't want to at the same time. I like being able to have that job and the benefits of it sometimes, but when I get home and see how daily my house gets slightly worse and worse it makes me just want to quit so I can have the energy to clean it more and keep things organized. If I could count on the people I lived with to do that a bit more it wouldn't be so bad, but I don't feel I can rely on them. I've tried, but unless I spell out every little detail (and even then it doesn't always happen) things just don't get done how they should. Is it too much to ask people to put things away properly instead of just throwing them near the place they belong, or to clean up after themselves more, or to help just to be nice instead of being forced, or to pick up after themselves? It drives me crazy. It's a constant battle. At least the big things have become more of a habit to at least get the important parts for living done, but what about cleanliness and sanitization? What about making it so I feel I could bring friends, or even more important later this year-clients, into my home without having to clean it first. I just want it to stay clean. It's understandable for certain things, but how hard is it to pick up after yourself or turn off the light when you leave a room?

Oh well, I guess I just better accept that it's not going to happen the way I want. I guess I should just keep doing what I'm doing and try to find the positive side of things. I just don't really want to have to try that hard. I just feel kinda hopeless with a lot of things. I want some time to rest and be lazy without feeling my world crashes down because I'm not taking care of everyone. But I guess that is just life for you. Get used to it Jessica.

Job-less-ness

I feel so bad for Wayne right now. He is one of the most hard working, dedicated, sweet guys I have ever known but he cannot seem to get a job. Everybody always seems to love him, but not enough to work with his schedule of being a student, scout master, and faithful latter-day saint. He has been trying to get a job since he got back from basic training last Sept. and has put in a million applications, gone through tons of interviews, and still nothing. There was one temporary job that lasted a few weeks and another that lasted a day, but nothing to count on as income. Thank goodness he has the army so we can have some money, but as soon as school is out so will be most of that money. I got a job at Applebees, but it's getting harder and harder to work there (I am pregnant you know...) so that has helped a little. We do have jobs lined up for June and July at the Webelos Wilderness scout camp this summer so that will help a lot, but again they are temporary...

What do we do? I guess all we can do is what we have been doing. We just have to keep paying tithing, obeying the Lord, and have faith. Money is one trial I would rather not have to deal with since we have a baby on the way. I just have got to remember how blessed we are. Even if Wayne cannot seem to get a job going we can still make it, it will just be VERY tight. But we do have a few items that we can probably sell if it gets THAT bad, which I don't think it will even at our worst since we will have the Army money again when school starts. So basically we just have to save up to make it through May and August and we'll be ok. Hopefully something more works out though, we would like to be able to get a savings going again since we ended up having to use it already sadly.

Wayne even at this moment is trying to get a job. He's at Walmart trying his best to make them work with him. See, he's technically still employed there from when he worked at the one in Wyoming before he left for basic. He tried to get a transfer down he when he got home but THEY were being dumb and not doing things like they should. He's tried so many times and we even drove up to Wyoming a couple of times so that he could do what they needed him to up there so that they could send the transfer request, but every time they have not come through with their part. Eventually, Wayne got sick of dealing with them, and he hates working there since they are so corporate anyway, so he decided to try his efforts everywhere else. But now he has really gone about everywhere else (including fast food) that he can and still nothing, so back to Walmart he's gone again. I just wish the Cheesecake Factory would not have told him "no" tonight after he had gone through two interviews... :(

So...
IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A JOB THAT STARTS AT 4PM OR LATER EXCEPT SUNDAYS AND WEDNESDAYS, PLEASE TELL ME! It does not matter what it is as long as it's a job that will be temporary starting now or preferably something lasting. Thank you!