Money (AKA: a big whiny post)

Money frustrates me.

Well...it frustrates me when we don't have enough of it for our budget.

We have made mistakes like going into debt (although, much of that came from two hard times when we were students with little or no savings and couldn't find jobs AND our wanting to get a new car when times were good so we wouldn't have to pay for tons of repairs later...I don't count our house payment because that is actually less than we were paying in rent so that was a GREAT choice financially), spending money on things we didn't need (little things like eating out, movies here and there, netflix, a brief period of huluplus, toys, and visiting family more than we could afford the gas...although that last one is a bit more important), and I personally have made many errors when setting up and working with our budget so we definitely are to blame for some of these frustrations.

It frustrates me that to get my education it cost so much and made it hard to have a regular income which ended up requiring going into debt for it as well; which we are now having to pay back when there isn't a rise in income from my education because I don't get paid to be a stay at home mom. I have tried to help this by being an independent consultant and working from home, but as with any business it needs some time (up to two years even) to grow to be reliable and make enough money to compensate for the extra debt expenses.

Maybe things wouldn't be so frustrating if the Army could do their paperwork correctly... First, they pay us a bonus, then they decide to take it back. I can handle them taking it back if we didn't deserve it...but within reason, not at over 60% of your pay after taxes each check so that you can't even pay your bills which then results in late fees that just make your bills more expensive later. (The not so funny thing is there is a chance we did deserve the bonus and more so we MIGHT get it back later...but later doesn't help now.)

It frustrates me that there are money frustrations when my husband is gone serving our country by being trained to serve our country even more while I am left home to be a single parent, deal with all the bills, and am left alone to figure out a way to make the extra money because my husband obviously can't go get a second job right now.

It's really frustrating that even if I do go get a temporary job (temporary because what job would let me stay long-term if within a couple of months I need to take 3 weeks or more off?) that I also have to pay someone else to care for my child...taking away some of the income I would make and replacing my "mom" duties with someone who is not my daughter's mother (plus between a job, house work, and keeping my business going I feel like my poor little girl would suffer because she would not only be without her father, but her mother would be stressed and super busy). It makes me sad to think about how terrible this situation could be. But what else do you do? I can't just NOT pay our bills! We've already cut out everything we can and are trying our best to be frugal.

We could survive if I just don't travel to my husband's training graduation, but that seriously breaks my heart. I know it's not a "required" expense and I shouldn't be complaining so much if that is what is causing these money frustrations, but you can't tell me that after having my husband gone almost half the year and dealing with all this stress pretty much on my own (and even more I won't go into detail about that is HUGE) that I can't even go see him graduate and be by his side as soon as possible... It just makes me think all of this is pointless and not worth the sacrifice.

I love our country and want to serve it by supporting my husband in serving, but goodness where is the benefit? This summer has been a nightmare that just makes me want to throw in the towel, but we can't; if everyone threw in the towel who would be fighting to keep our freedoms? So I have to hold on to the love of our "freedoms" to make the sacrifice feel worth it? It's too bad I feel like we gave up many of our freedoms when we went into debt so now I feel a slave to money and might not even be able to be the kind of mother and wife I want to be (one who is available/has a flexible schedule so I can take care of my family whenever they need me, raise my children properly, and support them always).

Anyway, if you read all of this, you are crazy! I just needed to blurt ;) I'm sure I'll figure something out.

In the meantime, if you need any jewelry or hair accessories (or want to host a party or join my team) visit www.facebook.com/paparazziJW; or if you or someone you know needs a babysitter, someone to help around the house, or the like hit me up; or if you know of any jobs that pay well, are part-time, and temporary (or permanent and would let me take 3-6 weeks off a couple of months after I started) or are done online SEND THEM MY WAY! I'll take all the help I can get at this point ;) THANKS!