Procrastinator to the Max...or something

So I'm feeling like a horrible student this week... I had a paper due Monday that I have yet to write, and I am also falling more and more behind in my studies for this week which will likely make my assignments due tomorrow and Monday also late...

It's sad because I was doing so well, then I just wanted to play and enjoy the holiday and put it off, then I got a cold which included a horrible headache. I really cannot wait until I am done with school one day. I really wish that day was here already.


At least the rest of my life is not a lost cause! I actually have done pretty well with the house keeping and other life requirements. I just want to cuddle my baby, play with my baby, cuddle my hubby, and talk with family. Is that too much to ask!?

Thank you.

Accomplished :)

I feel very accomplished this last week :) I have had a ton more energy and have got a lot done! Not that it is important for anyone reading this to know, but I would like to list some of those simple accomplishments that seem like such a big deal to me :)

Cleaned and organized the baby's room
Attended a family wedding
Had Claira blessed at church
Threw a get together after Claira's blessing at my house
Tended my niece and Wayne's cousin along with Claira
Did 6 loads of laundry and folded/hung everything
Did three loads of dishes
Lots of school work as usual
Cleaned the kitchen
Watched a lot of movies
Cuddled my husband and baby
Changed a million dipers
Fed Claira about every two hours daily
And am still in the process of doing more laundry, cleaning, and hw.

Go me!

“Squirel”

I hate it when I feel like this... By THIS I mean many things: like my throat hurting from my sinuses, feeling exhausted all the time, dreading schoolwork, not being able to focus. i find myself asking lately, why do i feel like i can't function properly? have i put too much on my plate or am i just being lazy? i feel lazy...or rather distractes. how am i going to make myself get things done and on time? it might help if i felt settled in...but i never feel that way because things are constantly changing. i share my home with others who sometimes make me uncomfortable, i have a new class every 5 weeks, my husband is constantly habing new ideas of how we could change things to 'make our lives better' but we don't evem really kniw what there is we can control to fix our buzy schedules and aquire money to not only pay bills but let us have a little fun, and i just had a cute little baby that needs a lot of love and time and is already showing how she is constantly changing.

what i really need to do is buckle down, find a way to focus on the important things, and get my life in order. too bad there aren't two of me!

a much needed break/a not needed illness

this weekend was so great! Our little family got to take a break and travel to farson, wy for a baby blessing in the family. it was so good to get out! and the best part was that wayne and i actually had time to talk like we used to and just be best friends again :) that's all we needed and now things are great again! so i guess the busyness of our lives was the problem because it didn't leave enough time for us to be best friends.

there was one bad part this weekend though...saturday morning (before we left) we awoke to find claira sick with a very stuffy head cold. so we got her into the doctor and luckily he didn't think she was showing signs of RSV so we didn't have to take a trip to the hospital. instead he put her on meds to treat the suspected ear ache and sent us on our way. she's getting better little by little, but it's definitely a long process.
and then on sunday to top it all off i started getting sick with her cold and man is it miserable! i feel so bad she has to go through this being only 3 weeks old. and then not too surprisingly (because this cold was/is obviously catching) wayne started coming down with symptoms sunday night. so now we are all in bed trying to recover.

emotional

Am I a drama queen? I think very much on the emotional side of the brain. Is it because of my theatre training? or am i just an emotional person? lately wayne and i have been having a hard time; is it that we're purposely hurting each other, do we not know how to communicate well anymore, is life too stressful, did we make some wrong choices, can we not understand each others emotions, do we not truely care enough anymore, or is it just a symptom of these 6 weeks of post-partum and how annoying that is? Well, whatever it is  know it's not permanent, but it's still really annoying. i hate that we upset each other and dont listen very well right now. i miss my best friend and emotional support. maybe life is just way too stressful to be healthy right now... but what can be changed? i don't think there is anything that we control that can be changed without changing our goals and dreams. that being said, i guess we choose this.

Math problems...

Ahh! I am so freakin' sick of this! Math is ruining my life. It's not because I can't do it or struggle horribly, it's because it makes Wayne and I argue. Sometimes I just verification that I am doing something correctly or perhaps need a question answered that I can not find in all the resources I am given with my class. The problem is that when it comes to math we do things very differently. I am so glad we don't have these kinds of communication differences in our regular lives or we would never work. It just frustrates me and even makes me mad that we have these problems communicating math because we never have communication problems like this and I don't know how to work with him if we cannot communicate with each other. That is the foundation for our relationship; the reason we work so well is that we communicate all the time and very thoroughly.

Another problem is our stress level right now. I'm about to have a baby and am sure I am even more irritable than I realize (and I see it a lot in myself right now). I am so tired all of the time, have a ton on my plate, and expect my family to help compensate for my lack of ability but see very little of those results. I feel like it is a constant fight with myself first (because I can't get my body to work since I have a big stomach in the way and cannot bend over very well along with the lack of energy to do the things I can physically do), then a fight with my family in trying to get them to make up for my lack (and only making everyone mad because I expect them to do a lot more than normal), and then a fight again with myself because the work still isn't done and I have to find a way to get as much of it done as possible despite my physical lacking. My family isn't horrible, but I feel like if people care about you and realize your struggles (obvious when I am pregnant and at the very end of it, you would think) that they will help to make your life a little better and help in those areas because they love you and actually think about you like that. I know they (at least Wayne) think of me, but they for some reason do not realize how I need help in some of the simplest things, even when I ask for it. What do you do? I just want to cry all of the time (not to mention that I'm probably a bit emotional, also from the pregnancy).

Sometimes I think Wayne's problem with realizing my need for help is because of another "math" problem...money. We somehow budgeted incorrectly and are short about $1000. I know we have family and the church we can turn to for help, but how did this happen? I think Wayne is super stressed about it and because of that he kind of tunes out. The problem is that I am stressed too and do not get to use it as an excuse because if I did my life would fall apart. I'm still in school right now, I babysit my niece, I am pregnant, and soon my husband will be at school and work all day and will not be able to help out much because he won't be around. That is why I need his help now so I can get things to a point where I CAN handle them on my own. But if I can't handle them myself now, how will I handle them once I have a newborn baby that I have to take care of 24/7? I'm so excited and happy to have Claira, but I can't do it alone. I know this is the right thing for us to be starting our family right now, even with all the problems, but is it not right for me to want help from my family? Isn't that what they are supposed to be there for? I just feel so alone sometimes. The family who would help are not here, and the family who are here do not help enough. They all have their struggles they are going through right now, I know, but I can't have them falling apart on me right now because I am struggling too. Can't we work together? I can't fall apart even if I wanted to because if I did it would ruin everything Wayne and I are working towards. I know that sounds over dramatic, but me getting an education, having a clean home, and being happy are all small parts of our big goals. If I cannot do those things and be happy with my life now I am not living towards having a happy life then. Happiness must be now through the trials, but without my family working together I am not happy.

And then there's the whole part of my "growing up family" (as I call them) falling apart. My dad has messed up his own life and our lives so much that I would be happy to never have him a part of mine again, just because every time he enters it he messes up everything I've been working for; my mom has no education, can't get a job, and is living something that I could never accept for myself, I feel like she's the child in our relationship; my brother at least did something with his life by joining the military, but I sometimes think he would be happy to never see us again because it seems like he ran away instead of joining for some master goal; and then there's my sister Jazmine who Wayne and I have been taking care of for 8 months trying to teach to have a good life by making good choices who throws everything she is give away and we now are kicking out of our house because she is not using the help she is given. I need extra support through all of this but instead I feel used, ignored, and alone. I can run to the Lord and into my husbands arms, but I just want help to do the simple things in my life (cleaning, having food made, and time to do my schoolwork without extra responsibilities) so that I can at least know something is going right in my life. How can I be so happy in knowing I'm doing the right things and that the Lord loves me while feeling so sad about everything else? I just don't want my life to be like this anymore. But I can't change it without changing my goals...I will not sacrifice my goals...but I can't control the ones that require other people's work, like having my family be happy and working together (aka: making right choices, showering each other with love instead of fighting and even hating each other, serving each other, being on the Lord's side, etc.)

All I can say is...*sigh* and keep going forward the best I can and remembering I am not alone although I may feel that way sometimes. ...I just wish the work would disappear or that my live-in family would help with it a lot more...

Baby girl is up to something!

So I'm not sure what she's thinking or even doing, but this little girl in my tummy is giving me quite a ride! I woke up with a horrible pain in my left side/hip and couldn't even go to work. I'm not sure if she got stuck or if she's on my s...nerve (I can't even think of the name, I just know it starts with an "s") or if she's trying to come early. My stomach looks like it has dropped and I need to get some hospital bags pack quick just in case she decides to come! I hope she waits until she is healthy enough but I won't be sad if that point is earlier than expected. I will be very happy to not have all this painful pressure inside anymore. And I can't wait to cuddle her! Anyway, I'm not going to worry but trust that the Lord will take care of us both. Now to get some hopefully good sleep :)

Fight

Last night was one of the worst experiences I have ever had. It ended up with me in tears and fearing I was going to have problems with my pregnancy or even go into labor early. I had to call Wayne home from work to save me and calm me down.

I figure after some thought that the problem came from a few things: bad or lack of communication between a couple we live with, forgetfulness, childishness, and life stress (money, lack of time, etc.)

Communication Problems
We are all very tight on money so that has been hard on everyone living here. One thing was said before moving in together and another has happened quite often. That's the money problem. I try to be understanding and help where I can to a point, but I can only help where I am able. Since we don't have much money at all to spare normally we obviously cannot front money in anyway, especially in tight times like these. So I have done other acts such as giving free money saving services to the people in my home on top of working to help earn my family money all while being pregnant, going to school, and trying to start one of my dreams of my sound business. The other woman living here has had to make some similar sacrifices in order to keep her family afloat. We don't understand each other on every aspect but we do understand struggles. She did her part to help by trying to ease our financial burden slightly with something she was capable of doing that wouldn't cost her anything more than she was already planning, but for some reason her husband didn't get the memo or he forgot, or perhaps he misunderstood. This is just one example. Another comes when this man thinks one thing and the wife thinks or knows another and instead of working it out between each other my family is put in the middle of it and expected to pick up the slack. It's fine if it's offered but if it's not it shouldn't be expected.

Forgetfulness
There are a lot of things done for each other that do not directly involve money, this is what family does for each other. But if you start to compare contributions and think your life is not fair then you must remember every little penny or second someone donates to helping you. If someone is saving you over $400 a month by baby sitting for free, washes the kitchen towels, your baby's bibs, and lets you use her towels over and over washing them each time it adds up! How is that compared to you offering to save her about $100 at the most? How about we just don't compare and try to live happily? If there really is a problem have your facts straight!

Childishness
Don't be selfish, try to understand the other person or people's wants, struggles, and feelings. And just because you are having a hard time does not give you and excuse to not be an adult. I don't care how hard your life is or how tight money is, you find a way to do your part. It's not that hard to do a chore and it only take paying attention to know where your money goes. Don't buy expensive things if you don't think you'll have enough money in the future.

Stress
We're all stressed! Deal with it! Others shouldn't have to pick up your slack just because you have problems. I'm sorry but that is life.

Finally, be honest in all things; your words, actions, communication, promises, and thoughts. Your thoughts might be your own but be honest with yourself. How can you be honest with others if you are not honest with yourself and spouse first?

Wall sayings and quotes

I am finally going to decorate our home! Yay! This may be a long process due to the lack of money and lack of time in my life, but one way or another I will get it done! We have one wall that will be full of family pictures, an area of military stuff, and whatever else my heart desires. Here are some quotes/sayings I am looking through for the walls (If you have any other ideas that sound good let me know!):

Live-Laugh-Love
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts (that's just funny, probably not good for the wall)
Happiness is homemade
Family-the ones you Live with, Laugh with, and Love
In out home let love abide, and bless all those who step inside
Family is the key to happiness
Our family tree is full of nuts (just kidding, I wouldn't use that!)
The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home. -Harold B. Lee
Bless this home with love and laughter

Military (there will be pictures of our family soldiers):
O're the land of the free and the home of the brave
Freedom isn't free
Its' not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for you country. -Kennedy
God bless America
God bless our soldiers
There's only one flag for me... it speaks of power, pardon, peace, and purity

Lalalalala! (in annoying tones)-That's how I feel

I finally finished my Business Information Systems class! But instead of feeling relieved I just feel stressed and sick of school! That's not what's supposed to happen. I have really got to try harder to stay on top of things this next class...maybe get ahead! ....That's what I think with every class though, and it has just gotten worse every time despite my efforts. I wish I could have the summer off! Oh well....


On a good note: I'm having a GIRL! Yay! Honestly the gender didn't matter to me as much as the fact that I am having a child, a baby actually (thank goodness it won't be a 10 year old or another teenager, lol). I'm excited because you get to do lots of cute things with girls. You do with boys too, but girls just have something special which takes more of your time because you get distracted with pretty stuff...which is probably a bad thing since I need to concentrate on school and perhaps getting my business started. (I'm beginning to wonder if something will get postponed...probably the business part because I can't cut back on school unless I completely drop out).

     I wish I could do it all! I try so hard! I used to be able to do so much with such a short amount of free time or even freedom, but now I find myself always feeling behind. Why is it that as you get older you need to expect less of yourself. Yes, you have more wisdom but less energy to use. Sigh.
     It probably wouldn't be so bad if I were not pregnant on top of everything. Oh and not to mention the raising a teenager part. But with those two things I feel like it is almost impossible to do school, housework, work at Applebees, and stay sane all in one day. And I don't even have the working part everyday...but when I do forget some other part of my life because I don't have time or energy! I feel pathetic. Maybe I should move to a cave. There are no bills, chores (except for cooking the food my husband hunts over the fire he builds), or need for education. I could just go back to the caveman way of living. Doesn't that just sound nice? Oh wait, would my baby survive very well in that environment? Oh dang! I guess I just better work things out here instead.

Anyway, hope your day/life is going better than mine feels right now. And if it's not, I'm sorry for complaining, this baby inside me makes me be a baby myself. But I shouldn't worry about that because I don't think anyone reads this unless they are so bored they want to read about my complaints...or something like that.

How about this? I love you! Yep, you! Haha! I do love people, they make me happy with their weird quorks and all. Except for when they don't clean up their messes, lol. But anyway, I am very tired so I'm not quite sure what I am saying anymore. Have a good night!

Gender day!

I am sooooo excited for tomorrow! At 7:30am (yes it is very early) I have my appointment at St. Marks to find out our baby's gender! Yay! Did I mention I'm really excited? In honor of the occasion I finally made myself get around to taking a pic of my belly! It's not the greatest quality and because of that it does not show the definition of how big my belly is, but you can tell I am pregnant and that is the point!

Here it is!

Can't wait for tomorrow!

Ugh...

Not very happy with things right this second... What do I want? I don't want to work anymore. But I like it at the same time. That's the main thing.

Pros of working: make money, get out of the house, serve others, connect with other people a little (which is kinda huge when I don't get to do anything with anyone but my family much), exercise, something to make me have a schedule.

Cons of working: get hungry and can't eat, makes me tired more than I can handle with my life sometimes, can't take care of my house as much as I want and no one else will step up and do it, my work clothes are starting to get too small, I have to pay almost $50 to get some dumb permits pretty soon, I have no time to get out of my house for fun with out falling behind in important areas of my life, makes me have to rely on others just to be disappointed.

Well, I guess my cons list looks a bit longer... but it's also just more wordy. Do I need the money? I don't know! I'm so lost with our finances lately (mostly because I'm so forgetful and just cannot wrap my mind around the numbers, good or bad). Wayne said we still needed me to work because he didn't have a job, but now he "kinda" has one. It's not a set schedule kind of thing but he gets to work. I want to quit so bad sometimes, but I don't want to at the same time. I like being able to have that job and the benefits of it sometimes, but when I get home and see how daily my house gets slightly worse and worse it makes me just want to quit so I can have the energy to clean it more and keep things organized. If I could count on the people I lived with to do that a bit more it wouldn't be so bad, but I don't feel I can rely on them. I've tried, but unless I spell out every little detail (and even then it doesn't always happen) things just don't get done how they should. Is it too much to ask people to put things away properly instead of just throwing them near the place they belong, or to clean up after themselves more, or to help just to be nice instead of being forced, or to pick up after themselves? It drives me crazy. It's a constant battle. At least the big things have become more of a habit to at least get the important parts for living done, but what about cleanliness and sanitization? What about making it so I feel I could bring friends, or even more important later this year-clients, into my home without having to clean it first. I just want it to stay clean. It's understandable for certain things, but how hard is it to pick up after yourself or turn off the light when you leave a room?

Oh well, I guess I just better accept that it's not going to happen the way I want. I guess I should just keep doing what I'm doing and try to find the positive side of things. I just don't really want to have to try that hard. I just feel kinda hopeless with a lot of things. I want some time to rest and be lazy without feeling my world crashes down because I'm not taking care of everyone. But I guess that is just life for you. Get used to it Jessica.

Job-less-ness

I feel so bad for Wayne right now. He is one of the most hard working, dedicated, sweet guys I have ever known but he cannot seem to get a job. Everybody always seems to love him, but not enough to work with his schedule of being a student, scout master, and faithful latter-day saint. He has been trying to get a job since he got back from basic training last Sept. and has put in a million applications, gone through tons of interviews, and still nothing. There was one temporary job that lasted a few weeks and another that lasted a day, but nothing to count on as income. Thank goodness he has the army so we can have some money, but as soon as school is out so will be most of that money. I got a job at Applebees, but it's getting harder and harder to work there (I am pregnant you know...) so that has helped a little. We do have jobs lined up for June and July at the Webelos Wilderness scout camp this summer so that will help a lot, but again they are temporary...

What do we do? I guess all we can do is what we have been doing. We just have to keep paying tithing, obeying the Lord, and have faith. Money is one trial I would rather not have to deal with since we have a baby on the way. I just have got to remember how blessed we are. Even if Wayne cannot seem to get a job going we can still make it, it will just be VERY tight. But we do have a few items that we can probably sell if it gets THAT bad, which I don't think it will even at our worst since we will have the Army money again when school starts. So basically we just have to save up to make it through May and August and we'll be ok. Hopefully something more works out though, we would like to be able to get a savings going again since we ended up having to use it already sadly.

Wayne even at this moment is trying to get a job. He's at Walmart trying his best to make them work with him. See, he's technically still employed there from when he worked at the one in Wyoming before he left for basic. He tried to get a transfer down he when he got home but THEY were being dumb and not doing things like they should. He's tried so many times and we even drove up to Wyoming a couple of times so that he could do what they needed him to up there so that they could send the transfer request, but every time they have not come through with their part. Eventually, Wayne got sick of dealing with them, and he hates working there since they are so corporate anyway, so he decided to try his efforts everywhere else. But now he has really gone about everywhere else (including fast food) that he can and still nothing, so back to Walmart he's gone again. I just wish the Cheesecake Factory would not have told him "no" tonight after he had gone through two interviews... :(

So...
IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A JOB THAT STARTS AT 4PM OR LATER EXCEPT SUNDAYS AND WEDNESDAYS, PLEASE TELL ME! It does not matter what it is as long as it's a job that will be temporary starting now or preferably something lasting. Thank you!

Sick of Being SICK

My family is lot aloud to get sick anymore! I am around them sooo much that every time they get sick I come down with it too. Without being sick I sleep enough as it is, being pregnant as the reason, but as soon as I come down with one of these bad illnesses (such as now) I am in bed for what seems like FOREVER and that's not good because I want to spend my forever feeling great...at least there's that "and Ever" part that Wayne and I like to say.

So now I am going to have to do the most horrible thing and stay in bed all day...hoping to be better for my frisbee golf date with Wayne tonight...and get a ton of school reading done. Isn't that just awful? ;) It wouldn't be so bad if Wayne were not at school because then he could cuddle me and do HW next to me, but now I actually will be able to concentrate without distraction! Who wants that!?! ...It really shouldn't be too bad, except for the feeling horrible part and not having the energy to get up to make food for the always hungry in my belly baby.

Anyway...I just had the thought of posting a pic on here (because that seems what should be in a blog) of me looking horrible right now, but that would be very scary! Trust me, not something you want to see... But thanks for reading, even though I was just complaining and being weird, haha. I hope you are not sick! And if you are chat with me and I won't feel so bored, lol!

Wayne

I love my husband! He feeds me brownies that he baked and plays so cute with our niece. She adores him! I can't wait for him to get the chance to be a father to our baby this fall :) LOVE! <3

Cooking Adventure

It is my turn to make dinner tonight and I have no idea what to make. I want something yummy that will be done in about an hour to an hour and a half. I defrosted some chicken from the freezer the other day so I think I will use that now that it is soft enough to use. I don't want to use a recipe or go to the store for ingredients so as I am cooking I will let you know what I find. In the end I hope it tastes good! The adventure starts at 4:33pm April 12, 2010. Go!

1. A can of frozen OJ that I also defrosted. I forgot to make it so it will be made now, but not as an ingredient, lol.

2. Potatoes. Red and russet. good for either mashed (butter, milk, and spices=red) or backed (we do have butter, sour cream, and even frozen bacon).

3. Asparagus. I have never made fresh asparagus before, or even any sort of asparagus... I'm not sure if Wayne was planning on using it but it sounds nice with chicken and potatoes. ...I may have to cheat and find a good sauce recipe for it though...and maybe instructions on how to cook it properly...I don't want to kill anyone!

4. Sydnie, my niece. OK, we can't really eat her, but she is a darn cute baby! I think she will go nicely with dinner ;)

5. Fresh made white bread. Wayne decided he wanted to bake bread in Sarah's bread machine today. It's finally done (3hrs later), and smells really good...I'm just worried how it turned out. Well, he just got home, took it out, and is dropping it like a rock, haha!  But the inside is nice and really soft! Yay! ...ooh! Yummy!

6. Hollandaise sauce. Ok, I don't really have that on hand, but I do have the ingredients (butter, egg yolk, and lemon juice) to make it according to our loverly cookbook by Julia Child! Wayne says he thinks that would taste really good on steamed asparagus. I love having a husband who is such a good cook!

7. Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I changed my mind...I might get some tips from this wonderful cookbook :) ...and yes, how to cook my asparagus in a delicious way WAS found! Sadly all the chicken recipes were too complex. I think I shall just bake these thighs with my own herb choices :)

8. Rosemary, parsley, and oregano. I think I shall use these to season my chicken. They are simple and very yummy :)

9. Baked potato. Although I would think red mashed potatoes would go really well with my choices, I feel like having baked and so does Wayne, so baked it is! That also makes my cooking job much easier :) Just wash, poke, and throw them in the oven with the chicken. Yum!

And it begins! Oven is preheating at 350 degrees and I will begin by washing the potatoes and then preparing the chicken :) But first I must remove my rings and wash my hands after the potatoes are nice and clean. ...Wow! These are huge potatoes!
...
Ok, the potatoes were washed and put in foil, but I forgot to poke them with a fork a little, oh well! That's more important in a microwave, and since there is time for them to cook for an hour it doesn't really matter if they take a little longer than with holes. I also put the chicken thighs in a glass pan, added a bunch of olive oil, and seasoned them with a little poke and rub for each to get them all tasty. Now they should turn out juicy and delicious! Now a break for some Rasp. Jam and Homemade Bread! ...I'm pregnant, I'm allowed to always be hungry and eat at a moments notice!
...
I gave some of that wonderful goodness I just ate and drank (OJ) to my sweetie too :)
...
Anyway, sorry for the mushy stuff ;) Next to get the asparagus ready. I am going to peel it and cook it as bundles in boiling water. That is how the french do according to Julia anyway :) It should take about 15 minutes to boil and then I'll make the sauce while that is finishing up :) I can't wait for all of this yummy food! I have about 30 minutes till the oven stuff will be done so I think I shall start peeling.
...
OK, peeling asparagus is a really bad idea! I hated it! The french must have thicker asparagus because mine kept snapping and if I truly peeled it there would only be a tiny thin thing left...never will do that (unless I can get thinker stuff) again! At least it is boiling now. The chicken should be done about the same time! Yippy! Now just for the sauce and I am done!
...
IT TURNED OUT SUPER YUMMY! It looked really nice too :) well, except for the asparagus ;) I decided that peeling is not necessary because it just makes it look funny, it cooks too fast, and it just wastes time. Maybe if it were thicker it would be really nice, but I'll stick to just plain boiling or steaming without the rest from now on. And honestly, except for the peeling the asparagus and making the sauce, it all wasn't much of an adventure. But is sure tasted good :)
P.S. I really like the Hollandaise sauce! I probably should have taken a picture of how it turned out, but I was too hungry to eat it so I didn't really care to find my camera, haha!

Have a good night and thanks for coming on my adventure!

Sabbath Love

Today has been wonderful so far :) I can't wait to enjoy the rest of it!

First thing I did was sleep in, find my kitchen cleaned (Thank you Sarah!), and got everything ready for church. Then I taught Sunbeams which is fun because they don't judge you, lol. They really enjoyed the suckers and coloring pages of Adam and Eve too! Then Sacrament was full of wonderfulness :) A cute young boy gave a talk about media showing his pocket knife and Ipod. Then a High Council member who had touched a soon to be missionary's life gave an AMAZING talk. He brought up a saying I used to live by and I am so happy to be reminded of it. "Attitude is Everything". I love that because it is so true! If you decide to have a good attitude good things happen and people are happier. I decided I am going to post that saying somewhere in my home for all to see because I think it will be very helpful. It doesn't matter what other people are doing, or how bad you feel, if you have a good attitude you will be happy.

He told the story of a man who lived by this and could only be described as amazing. He blessed so many lives just by being around them. Everybody loved him. One day the restaurant he was working in was robbed and he ended up getting shot. The paramedics were great and quick to respond and told him how everything would be alright. Then he arrived in the ER and the look on the doctors' faces told him he was a dead man. But as he was laying there he thought to himself, "I can live or die. I choose to live". When he was asked if he was allergic to anything he said, "yeah". All the doctors stopped waiting to hear his response and he said, "bullets". The doctors all started laughing and he told them that he chooses to live so they should operate on him as a living person. See! Even in the face of death you can tell what kind of man this was! ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!

After this talk the sisters of the Elder who would be leaving for his mission this week sang a beautiful song. And then when their brother went to speak you could tell how grateful he was for his sisters and how through their music they could share the spirit and their testimonies. Then as he continued to speak I was quite surprised at what I heard. He told of an experience at EFY three years ago when he saw a picture of a leopard reaching to Christ as he past and Christ reaching back. This picture had a strong impact on this young man and right there he prayed. He ask if the Lord would be with him and through the feelings of clam and peace the Lord answered saying, "I have always been with you. I will always be with you. Thank you for calling on me so that I can help you." Wow. It is so true, but we have to be willing to reach to Him. ...I am totally sending all my kids to EFY! Then he told about his experience at Boot Camp last year and how he got hurt and that is why he is not a Marine yet. Then he explained that when he was lying in bed in pain how he remembered his EFY experience and how he knows the Lord is there, so again he turned to prayer and asked the Lord to help him and heal him. The Lord answered saying that it was not the time and he had other things to do. Then he thought of the atonement and how Christ knew his pain. He knew Christ loved him and would do anything for him. He was comforted even though he did not get the answer he wanted but because of that experience is why he is going on a mission today. He says someday he will be a Marine but for the next two years he will be a missionary sharing that spirit and testimony with all he can. He just wants everybody to have a chance to feel that spirit.

After church I talked to my Bishop, Jean-Michelle Arrigona, about my sister and how she has expressed that she does not want to go to church any more. You can tell how caring and sincere my bishop is any time you talk to or see him, but he didn't just give me advice, he told me the truth. He said, "I wish I could just have a real talk with her, no fluff, just to find out what she likes and hates. I would be ok if her boyfriend wanted to talk to. Our church needs to share the scary truth more. What she is going through is not unique, people just usually avoid talking about their experiences when they fall away or lack in faith. I wish I could have a REAL talk with her".  I told him that I bet she would be willing to talk with him, and that fluff is a lot of the reason she doesn't like our church. So now I am going to pass his invitation on to her and I really really hope she is willing to talk with him because I think talking to someone not in our family will be much more helpful to her finding the right path out of her own will. I love my bishop!

Then I sang in choir, which was so nice because I have missed singing and being in a choir so much! And then I came home and ate the leftover pizza from my craving last night. (Can you believe I craved pepperoni pizza!? I usually really dislike that stuff!) And now I am here and so happy to be sharing these experiences :) Let's hope the rest of the day is just as amazing! I plan on playing piano, singing, reading church materials, and going to dinner at the Elder Quorum President's house :) Have a wonderful day!

:D

My very own place to speak

Well, I decided to make my very own blog. I figured that since people sometimes get annoyed with my posting on facebook and individual things on my family blog (at least I imagine they do) that I will start this blog for me to say whatever I want. Only people who come here will read what I have to say so I can avoid those who just happen to browse over something I wrote and be offended.

I don't really care if people know what is going on in my life. But I will forewarn you that this may sound like more of a ranting place than a happy place at times. This is because writing helps me relieve my stress. I write in my journal for personal stuff but I would rather type and just get it out when I'm upset so the journal doesn't always cut it. Plus I want my regular journal to be something for passing on...not something full of tons of dumb details. And my family site will often be where I will post the exciting stuff...so unless I am so excited that I want to post things twice I will probably only post on here when I need to get something off my chest. But you are welcome to read if you are interested.

I may also use this for when I am bored. I could play around with my layout/background, post interesting finds, ideas, or thoughts, and I can just have fun without restrictions. So there we go. You know what to expect so you decide how the rest goes. I get to speak my mind and you can comment to agree or add, but I'd prefer to not have anyone contradicting me here unless they want a convo that "fights for my rights" so to say. ...Now I sound like an ugly person, totally not meaning it in that way.

I just want to speak (or type rather) so that's what I and this are here for! :)